Anything goes!

The Quit Net tip for today is to go to any lengths not to smoke! They suggest to think of the lengths we have gone to obtain a smoke. Ha - if you only knew! It has been a priority in my life for many years to make sure there was enough tobacco on hand. You know - how you always make sure there is enough toilet paper on hand? However, there have been times when I messed up. PANIC! There have been times that I have dug out the longest butts out of the ashtray. There have been times that I have gone out in the middle of the night to buy smokes. And yes - there have been times that I had smokes but no way to light them - other than turning on the electric burner on the stove! It is good to know that I won't have to go to such degrading measures to 'keep the quit'. To those smokers who are now following my blog - I sure would like to hear any funny stories about the lengths you have gone to in order to get a smoke!

On guard!

Now that I have made it through 'Hell Week', I feel that I must remain 'on guard' for those difficult moments. Actually I have had more of those 'moments' during this 'Heck Week', than I did during 'Hell Week'. Perhaps I have become a little over-confident. I must remain 'on guard'! I have been allowing myself a lozenge a day. It is a kind of 'head' thing to get me through the day. "When I get home I get to have a lozenge". I can see that this journey will be a long one. Perhaps it will take the rest of my life to overcome this addiction. I can do this!!! Once again, I have to say that support from family and friends has been crucial for me during the process. Today a co-worker gave me a bouquet of tulips in recognition of my passing through 'Hell Week'. What a wonderful vote of confidence - and oh how I want to suceed so that I do not disappoint those who are cheering for me!

Hell Week

Ha - Quit Net calls the first week "Hell Week". That it was. I now am looking forward to "Heck Week"! It should be a blast! The loss of my voice is perhaps a good thing. (Keeps me from swearing - at least out loud - tee hee) As is am writing this post, I find that I am forcing myself to think of the 'positives'. Why is it easier to dwell on the negatives during this journey? Is it perhaps that I feel that I am losing a 'friend'? - That crutch that has served me for the last 46 years? Well, let me say that the tobacco has not been much of a friend during the past several years. It was hurting me and I knew it. In fact, I did not even like it. I hated the taste (had to suck on candies when I smoked) I did not like the way it made me feel - tired and breathless. And yet I hung on to that 'abusive' relationship. Why?

Thinking of Job and his trials

Can anyone remember all that happened to Job and how it all turned out? I know that he was afflicted with boils all over this body. He lost all his money, and his friends did not support him. Today I began feeling a little 'sorry for self'. Got laryngitis (not a good time for this to happen). Broke out in hives this evening! What is that all about????? However, I have not lost my money, my friends support me - I am truly blessd. Much to be thankful for - I just have a few 'pestilences' to deal with. I think I am being 'tested' - I will get through this and conquer!

If you are going through hell - keep going

Winston Churchill said this at some time - not sure what the circumstances were - likely something WW2 related.

Rodney Atkins sings a song which references this quote.

"If you're goin' through hell keep on going
Don't slow down - if you're scared don't show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there.

When you're goin' through hell keep on movin'
Face that fire - walk right through it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there.

Well as day six comes to a close I continue to journey through this hell of addiction recovery. I continue to face the fire, but am determined to keep one step ahead of the devil!

Although there are moments when I can smell my tail feathers burning (tee hee)

The Weepies have begun!

Curses! I was hoping that I would not get the weepies - what with taking Zyban and all. However, the doctor did warn me that this could happen, and if it did I should go see him.

What on earth can he do? Tell me not to cry? (tee hee).

Even with all the physical and emotional distress during this process, I actually have been able to begin to see the 'positives'.

I do not cough as much in the morning, and I think I am getting more 'quality' sleep likely because I am not coughing so much in my sleep.

Quit Net has honored me with a 'milestone' certificate! It tells me that in this short time I have not smoked 109 cigarettes, saved $39.00 (must be old pricing) and have saved 19 hours of my lifetime. How cool is that?

Still Smoke Free

I have almost gotten through the 4th day, and remain smoke-free!

This afternoon was the first time I was really really tempted. Just a little frustration at work - and of course that old mind-set - "I will go and have a smoke and suck it up".....

I can see that I am going to have to learn to deal with these moments - perhaps 'sucking it up' has been the wrong thing to do anyway.

Up until now I have been resisting taking the Nicorette lozenges. My thinking was that by taking a nicotene replacement would only prolong the process. However, when I got home I was in crises, and could not let go of the days events. Therefore I put one of the lozenges in my mouth, and a few minutes later I was feeling much better. I can now get through the rest of this day...

I just have to add to this post that the encouragement that I have been getting means everything! Phone calls, emails, facebook messages, and even a hug or two have given me strength. I am truly loved.

The First Days are the Worst Days

Well, there has been a plethera of physical withdrawal issues for the past 3 days, but none of them debilitating. I think the nausea is the worst - and one I was not expecting.

The cravings seem to come in waves - but the waves to pass over. After a few deep breaths, glass of water, and a mind distraction - they do pass.

On Sunday (the second smoke-free day) I began to smell smoke in the house (yes I was still smoking in the house!) Yuck - not a pleasant odor = perhaps this is what is causing the nausea....

Today (Tuesday) will be another test, because it is my first work day as a non-smoker. I will get through this........

One Day at a Time

Well I survived the first smoke-free day. Did very little - just some laundry and read a really good book.

I found my mind wandering as I was reading, however. My concentration was a little off - perhaps from a little withdrawal - perhaps just because I was tired. I gave into the 'sleepies' and had a few cat naps throughout the day.

I have not yet taken a lozenge, but have them on hand.
The withdrawal symptoms this morning are very strong. I am actually a little 'shaky' and I have a feeling inside - sort of a 'hiccuppy' feeling - like when you have just finished a big cry.

I am also having a little trouble writing this blog. I am easily distracted by dear sweet Budget, and am having difficulty forming thoughts in my mind.

However, I am sure that this too will pass.

46 Years with Sir Walter Raleigh

It is amazing what the human body can tolerate! I am presently looking at the last package of cigarettes that I will buy. Aside from the nicotene, there is Carbon Monoxide, Formaldehyde, Hydrogen cyanide and Benzene in each cigarette that I have been smoking for all these years! With all this poison that has been going into my body for 46 years, it is a miracle that I am alive to tell about it.

If I remember my history correctly, I believe it was Sir Walter Raleigh who introduced tobacco (and I think potatoes also) to Europe. Was it not also Sir Walter Raleigh who laid down his coat for Queen Elizabeth to walk on so that she did not have to walk in mud......

How interesting that the man who is so famous for this wonderful act of chivalry is also the man who is (indirectly) responsible for the deaths of so many people who have become addicted to tobacco.

Quit Date Anticipation Anxiouty

The anxiouty is reaching high levels. I started taking Zyban last weekend, but have been taking only took half the dose that was prescribed (sleeping issues). Tonight I took the second dose, so will see if perhaps the gradual intake of this drug will help. (seems to make food taste like crap - but maybe that is a good thing! - tee hee)

I have on hand nicorette lozenges - and expect to need them.

I have planned for Saturday (Feb 18) as a day of WASHING - to attempt to get rid of the smell of smoke from my life!

Two More Days

It was likely around the time that I was 13 or 14 years old that I smoked my first cigarette. By the time I was 16 I was a pretty regular smoker. That was 46 years ago! In (I think 1993) I quit smoking - for 2 1/2 years! Stress I guess started me up again. This time I am going to attempt to be proactive with the stress and the 'weepies'.

Exercise!